Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
