"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sext me about skeletons
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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