I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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