Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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