The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
