he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
