I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So vagazzling was a success
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
