she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
