If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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