Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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