This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
