thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
