Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
