i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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