I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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