"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm always down for nudity.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize