...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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