I hate all girls vehemently.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dignity is for republicans.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
