Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
