Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
