he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
