guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
