Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
