my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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