I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
