I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
