I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
