The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
