Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
