I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
