I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
