the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
