I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
