Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
