I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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