careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
