I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
