so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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