i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
