I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
