Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
