operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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