So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
