it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
