i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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