I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
