I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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