On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
