I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
