Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
