there's paper in my vomit.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
