I murdered the dance floor call the cops
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
