Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
