She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
